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Located near the South Texas town of Natalia, it's...
A Visit To Ransom Park
Official web page for Ransom Park, Texas, USA
As a web-based fun park suitable for all ages, it's...
"Entertainment for a new meliminum"
Last update: 17 May 2005
BEST VIEW: set your browser's font to the smaller sizes
Rancid J. Faultus
Park Director
Alan Keith
Chief Park Ranger, Head of Park Security
Stephanie Plinly
Park Photographer, Head of Graphic Design
Eric Wayne
Computer Technology
Korrie Lockzar
Site Proofreeder
NOTE: Full credits and disclaimers available at the Park Exit.
This web site was Y2K complacent!
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BRAND NEW!
Check out the new
Slide Show
Pictures around the park!
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IT BE GONE!
Park mower vanishes... Ranger Keith in a quandry.
Ransom Park Muddler News
"If we can't make up a lie we'll muddle the truth!"
I. B. Libel, Features Editor
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Photo courtesy John Deere®
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Ranger Keith, Head of Park Security, reported the disappearance of the park's thirty thousand pound John Deere 9200 tractor and custom shredder array. "I was mowing the area around Brown Water Springs", says Ranger Keith, "when I felted a slight bump and began to hear a crunching sound.
The bump wasn't anything unusual, but the sound reminded me of when the tarbosurger impeller flied apart last summer. Plus, it was starting to make hearing the TV difficult. I waited for a commercial, then stopped to make sure nothing was becoming seriously bent.
I climbed down and inspectimatized the turbochanger, injetshun frammis, and engine axcessories on the left side, but found nothing going badness that I could see. While walking around to the right side, I noticed something was jammed between the right front dual wheels. Upon closer inspechun, I realized it was one of those Geo Metros. I wented to the tool box at the rear of the trator for a large crowbar to pry that Metro outta there, when the whole rig started moving. I dropped the crowbar and ran for my life just in time to escape the right half of that 42 foot shredder array connectioned to the rear of the trator.
I'd had the hydrastic transmixing in seventh gear whilst mowing, so I must have left it there when I climbed out. Wish I'd of left the shredder going too... I could have tracked the crazy thing lots easier by following the shredded path of deestrutchun. What's worser, I'd just filled the fuel tanks, so it took out with 310 gallons of diesel on board. I haven't seened it since. Ain't found my crowbar, neither."
Ranger Keith warns anyone who sees the park mower not to approach it (especially if you're driving a Geo Metro). Take note of the direction it's headed and call Ranger Headquarters immediately!
if you've seen the tractor
Click here for a Map Of Ransom Park
Click here to verify your mouse are busted
RPM News
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Important Automotive Safety Reminder
Please remember there is no alcohol allowed in the park unless it's in your vehicle's fuel tank. And don't try to convince Ranger Keith that's why your car was weaving all over the road!
OK... there are some STRANGE people signing the Ransom Park guestbook! We didn't realize the park would be visited by folks from other countries!. Check it out. HURRY!!!
Click here and browse through the Park Guestbook!
Click here and sign the Park Guestbook yourself!
Click here and watch absolutely nothing happen!
Ranger Keith Says: Keep Ransom Park clean... put your trash in someone's pickup bed!
HAM RADIO OPERATORS!
If you wound up here from a link at QRZ.COM, this is the official web page for Ransom Park, Texas.... amateur radidio call sign KC5DBO. While the park doesn't have a repeatamatizer machine, Ranger Keith monitors 146.535 (simplex), and the MCARC retransmatizer frammis (145.290- 162.2) on his ICOM-2100H. For more amateur radio information for Ransom Park and South Texas, see
The Ransom Park HAM Radio Page.
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RANGER KEITH'S OFFICIAL EYE TEST
If you can read this you have much better eyesight than I do!!! In fact, if you can read this without your glasses, let ME have them 'cause you don't need them. Now... turn to the person on your left and pull their finger. OK, now run! Hurry!!!
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THINGS I DON'T LIKE
Extra cheese when I'm not having pizza; Pepperoni sliced so thin that it only has one side; The taste of beets going down; The taste of beets coming up; Beets. Ranger Keith
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Director's Message
Rancid J. Faultus, Director
Ransom Park, Texas
Please refrain from placing your mouse pointer over the picture.
to insult Director Faultus
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NOTE: Rancid J. Faultus has been director of Ransom Park since 1857. During that time he has made many changes (and catastrophies) in the park. We at Ransom Park invite you to visit often and see these changes evolutionizing. We regret that the director's message is unchanged for a while now, but Director Faultus has been working on the new park exit and hasn't been in his office much of late (or early). As soon as (or soon thereafter) Director Faultus is able to wrote out a new message, I'll see that it's posted here for all to ignore.
Ranger Keith, Head of Park Security (Moped patrol), Ransom Park, Texas.
And now, a message from Director Faultus:
Recent rains have certainly branged out the trees, flowers and gasses. Grasses, too. Ranger Keith held off mowing (or work of any kind) throughout the park so we could all enjoy the wildflowers. Well, most of us. Actually, I find them to be slightly bitter.
With the threat of heavy rains on the way, however, Ranger Keith felt it was time to run the mower. After about ten hours of this, he decided it was time to back it out of the equipment shed and do some actual mowing. Which he done. Did. Which he done did. Good thing, too, because the heavy rains certainly maternalized. Along with some rather large hail. If you visited the park right after it was moweded, I'm sure you noticed the sparsafication of wild flowers. And roadsigns, culvert rails, curbs, hydrants, small wildlife, etc. (Ranger Keith is just a little sloppy with that John Deere 9200 tractor pulling his 42 foot, custom made, ten-shredder array).
This plentifulized rain should once again brang us multitudinal clumpations of flowers. If you've never visited with us before (or even not never before that), come on out and enjoy the leafing trees and thick gasses. Actuality, I meant enjoy the thick grasses. (Stay away from Ranger Headquarters like I do and you'll avoid the thick gasses).
Ranger Keith still hasn't restorationed all the damage done by his 30,000 pound turbo-charged diesel lawn mower (with the phone, stereo, TV, and air conditioned cab), so if you come out any time soon, I'd advise you to print a copy of the park map. Better still, let your printer do it. With so many of the signs down throughout Ransom Park (thanks to Ranger Keith's mower being wider than the roadways), you may end up lost. (You could also end down lost). Or you may not know where you are. Or where you're going. Or want to go. Or want to be other than. Even. Click on the Map Of Ransom Park link for a full color map from the Glob Map Company, and a picture of our Forrest Ranger in action.
As always, when visiting Ransom Park look for our Forrest Ranger, F.J. Leglock (not to be confused with our Park Ranger, Ranger Keith) and make plans to sit in on one of his very infirmitive, extrapolated lecturications. While you're cramping in the park (which means you ate the wild flowers while camping in the park), stop Forrest Ranger Leglock as he zooms by on his Polaris four-wheeler and say "how can you go so fast with the front end all bent up like that?". But don't tell him Director Faultus sent you, or he'll spit in your messkit!
So it shall be wroted, so it shall be did.
Rancid J. Faultus, Director
Ransom Park, Texas
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Visit Ransom Park
This is your FREE PASS to the park
Drop by anytime, we never close!
Ransom Park, Texas
Your FREE PASS number appears below:
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If no number appears above, just say
"Ranger Keith sent me" when you
blunder through the park entrance.
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All the pages on this website edited using
Note Tab Standard as viewed on Internet Exploiter 5.5. Some of the images were edited using
VicMan's Photo Editor.
HTML code checked using
CSE HTML Validator Lite. MIDI music on the various pages may not play correctly if your sound card is not 16 bit. Background music now playing is a random selection from six MIDI song files. Click 'Refresh/Reload' button on your browser to hear a different song. Or turn the sound down and sing to yourself!
Current background MIDI file is
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STOP POPUP ADS!
If you're sick of the same popup ads being shoved in your face over and over (like at this site), there's a simple, compact, FREE utility that will stop ALL popup ads cold.
Click here to read about Popup Stopper and then download it (370KB).
Ranger Keith
Guided Tour!
Take a tour of Ransom Park. At the bottom of each page is a blue tour button. Click it to proceed to the next page. Now... click the button below to begin:
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